Lunch time! Called Brittany, coming I said. Whats for lunch I said it is toasted sandwich.
Mmmmmm, lunch was delicious, now time to go back and give the guinea pigs lunch,
But when I got to go feed, I didn’t realise they could fly! I exclaimed. They were flying
Around like bees going crazy, so we decided to take them to the vet to see what is wrong.
When we went to the vet they said since you gave them the wrong food now they will
Be able to fly for there whole life. We stood there in silents with a bug gasp.
Hello Emi,
What a wonderful idea! If you have a food which could let guinea pigs fly, it would be very popular. Guinea pig owners around the world would want some.
You made good use of speech in your story but your layout was unusual. I hope you don’t mind but here is how your first few sentences might have looked.
“Lunch time!” called Brittany.
“Coming,” I said. “What’s for lunch?”
“It is toasted sandwiches.”
Keep writing. You have creative ideas and should share your adventures.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia